DKC Party!
by Alex Sambora
Summary: Whaddya get when you cross me,one too many 'Naruto Party' YouTube videos,a computer,Donkey Kong,and a bunch of random quotes from movies?Basically whatever the frickin' hell this is.
1. DKC Party 1

MoK:We own nothing!Not even the quotes in this story nor the DKC characters!

SxRF:They all look like they do in the rest of our stories(which mean Wrinkly _is_ still alive)except for the story _What Happens When You Talk About A Disclaimer..._!

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Funky:Mortal Combat for the Sega Genisis is the best video game ever!

Diddy:I 's a very good game but I think Donkey Kong is the best video game ever.

Funky:Donkey Kong sucks!

Diddy:You know something?You suck!

(MoK:(GASP)Funky said DK sucks! SxRF:YOU BETRAYER!!!)

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Wrinkly:Well,marriage is supposed to last forever.

Cranky:Yeah,and mine's takin' too damn long!

Wrinkly:Marriage is an institution!

Cranky:So's Alcatraz!

Wrinkly:_You can't compare marriage to prison!_

Cranky:Yeah,I guess you're warden doesn't yell at you for insulting your son.

(A/N:I tweaked it up a bit so that it wouldn't sound weird.)

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DK:Clark,I _really_ wish you wouldn't pick your nose infront of !

Diddy:(takes his finger out of his nose)I'm not picking it,I'm scratching it!

DK:What,are you scratching your brain?

Diddy:(turns around,crosses arms)Yeah,cuz it's huge!

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:(elbows Klump) I saw myself in close like _that_,I'd have to kick my own ass.

_(Screen switches over to Krusha,who starts laughing in a crazy way.)_

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DK:You know,my wife met Lois Lane once.

Cranky:Oh,really?What'd she think about her?

DK:She said she acted like an h-o-r-e!

Cranky:...You mean a _w_-h-o-r-e.

DK:What's a 'wahhore'?

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_(It is near the end of Donkey Kong Arcade.)_

Mario:You're in big trouble there,pally.I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast!

DKSr.(Cranky):(stiffles laughter)You eat pieces of crap for breakfast?

Mario:(now looks as though he revealed a big secret)No!

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Snide:Listen up because this is a one time I will now do is go into your office and become move is up to you.I may not be as nimble as I once was but I make up for it with quickness and flexibility.

Cranky:(raises eyebrow)I...don't know if you realize,but I'm not into guys.

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Funky:(holding machine gun)SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!

All Kremlings:(stare in fright)...

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Cranky:I'm just kidding.I will not kill the Jews,,I will toss a penny inbetween them and watch them fight to the death.I did the same thing with two Catholic priests only I tossed in a small boy,and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson!

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Wrinkly:Achmed!

Cranky:What?

Wrinkly:You can't keep doing this!You can't tell racist jokes about people!

Cranky:Why not?I'm killing,so to speak!

Wrinkly:You just can't!

Cranky:What?Would you rather I did knock knock jokes?

Wrinkly:Well,that'd be better.

knock.

Wrinkly:Who's there?

Cranky:Me.I kill you.

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DK:Oh,my god!They killed Kenny!

Cranky:You bastards!

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_(Wrinkly,,Kritter,and Kisume(my Kremling OC)(all of which are younger)are walking through a forest.)_

?You have a bug on your back.

?Would you brush it off?

_(The 'bug' pops out from where he is on the back outside area of her coat and roars at ,causing his eyes to grow switches over to front view of the future Kremling dictator.)_

:Um,no.

_(Yells of "OH MY GOD GET IT OFF ME!!!" are heard as Kisume and Kritter slowly appear from both sides of the screen.)_

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DK:Now stand aside,worthy advisary!

:(missing one of his arms)'Tis but a scratch!

DK:A _scratch_?Your arm's off!

:No it isn't.

DK:(points at ground)Then what's that then?

_(Screen switches to the ground,where 's missing arm lays,for about ten seconds and the switches back to the two.)_

:I've done worse!

DK:You _liar_!

:(holds up fist as though about to start a fight)C'mon,ya pansy!

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Chunky:Richard...is this your coat?(puts coat on,laughs)

Cranky:(wearing the objects he wore in DK64(he still has regular clothes on)but is missing the lab coat,looks up)Hey...Don't do 't do it!

Chunky:(now wearing Cranky's lab coat with it buttoned all the way up)Fat guy,little guy,little coat!

_(Chunky starts to say,"Fat guy in little coat" several screen switches back to Cranky.)_

Cranky:I'm serious,you crap-headed freak._Take it off!_

_(The coat starts to tear.)_

Chunky:Richaaaaard,what's happening?!

_(The coat tears off,along with his other clothes,of Chunky,leaving him only in his Kermit the Frog boxers.)_

Cranky:(stiffles laughter)

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Lanky:Your glasses are ...make your eyes look big and 's fun looking at them.

Wrinkly:(sweatdropps,face turns red,raises eyebrows in confused way)

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	2. DKC Party:The Christmas Edition Chapter

MoK:As we said in the original version.

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_(Sr.(younger version of Cranky)and Jr.(younger version of DK)are looking for a Christmas tree.)_

Sr.:It's not big,it's just...full!

Jr.:(points at the tree they're looking at)Dad,that thing wouldn't fit in our yard!

_(The screen switches to show that the tree is waaaaaaaaaay taller than the two.)_

Sr.:It's not going in our yard,'s going in our living room.

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_(DK is standing around the younger versions of Diddy and Kiddy.)_

DK:OK,kids!Tomorrow morning,10:00 AM!Santa's comin' to town!

Diddy:SANTA!!!OH MY GOD!!!(looks at Kiddy)Santa _here_?(holds up picture of him and Santa)I know him!(sniiiiiff)I _know_ him...

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_(La la lalalalala la la lalalala lalalalalala la...)_

:(yells)

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Kisame(my other Kremling OC):(to )Hi,Marty.I got another Haunaka present tonight.

:Wow!Gee!An Etch-A-Sketch!Not too shabby!

Wrinkly(don't you _dare_ ask):That's a Game Boy,you idiot!

:(to Wrinkly)Well,sorry I'm not up-to-date on modern technology!

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Candy:(holding a bottle that actually turns out to be perfume)Passion fruit spray?

Swanky:Fruit spray?Sure!

_(He takes the bottle and sprays some in his he tastes it and realizes it's actually perfume,he starts crying.)_


	3. DKC Party 2

SxRF and MoK:_We own nothing so get off our butts._

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DKC Party! 2

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Wrinkly:WHAT ARE YOU DOING WEARING MY BRA?!

Cranky:(scoffs)I'm not _wearing_ your bra.I'm simply...holding it against myself.

(MoK and SxRF:_Don't frickin' you ask,we will kill you_(except you,Mog Anarchy,RoyalFanatic,Yoshizilla,and any other DKC fans we know and like!^_^)_._)

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_(The boys of the DK Crew are at a bar,remembering memories from the suddenly pipes up with a memory about something Cranky once did.)_

Cranky:(blushing)Tequila was involved!Get off me!

Diddy:(whispering into Funky's ear)I wonder if that's what his wife says.

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KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK

Candy:Housekeeping!

DK:Go away...sleeping...

Candy:Housekeeping.

DK:Come back in an hour...

Candy:Houskeeping,you want towel?

DK:No towels!Need sleepy...

Candy:Housekeeping,you want mint for pillow?

DK:Please go away!Lemme sleep!FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

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Tiny:I would _never_ have sex with you,_ever_.Even if you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth and the future of the human race depended on our having sex,I _still_ would not have sex with you.

Funky:What's your point,Vanessa?

Tiny:(just stares)

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Cranky:Remember that rubber thing you had a long time ago?Had a funny name,ugly looking thing...

Wrinkly:That was _years_ ago!How do you remember _that_?!That was when I was in college!They were popular back then.I think they're coming back with 're calling it a Swatch.

Cranky:A what?

Wrinkly:A Swatch.

Cranky:What the hell's a 'Swatch'?

Wrinkly:Well,some company in Switzerland invented that kind of watch so they're calling it a Swatch.

Cranky:Oh...Good thing they weren't in Croasia.

_(Crowd dies of laughter.)_

Cranky:'What time is it?' 'Gee,I look at my Crotch.' 'Sorry I'm late,but my Crotch is a little slow.' 'Yeah,it's like a takes one li--'

Wrinkly:WALTER!!!

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Funky:Well,what if she's been with someone else like...ME!

_(Crowd laughs.)_

Funky:Oh,c' go purple,you never go back!

Cranky:I _really_ doubt that my wife has slept with you,Peanut.

Funky:Well,think about it for a a twisted kind of way,all five of us on stage have slept with your you're wacky and having fun,that's me!When you're pissed off and lying there,thinking,'Oh,why did I marry this _broad_?',that's Walter(?).When you're so angry that you just want to kill her,that's Achmed(...DK?!).

Cranky:And what's Jose Jalapeno on a stick?

Funky:...You're a sick man!

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Swanky:So,Walter,what'd you do for fun today?

Cranky:I stood infront of the IRS building and just flipped them off!

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Squwaks:(Mexican accent)Si,Senor.I have my green card.

Cranky:(ahhhhh)

DK:Where is your green card?

Squwaks:It's in my other steek.

_(Cranky and DK look at Squwaks's bottom half and then at each other.)_

DK:(whispering to Cranky)Did you know he had another stick?

Cranky:(whispering to DK)I had no idea.

DK:(whispering to Cranky)You know what _that_ means?

Cranky:(whispering to DK)What?

DK:(whispering)It means _that one_ comes _out_.(bends down so he can see up Squwaks's butt)Oh my god!

Cranky:What?

DK:I thought it was just stuck up his ass!

Cranky:What's wrong?

DK:He doesn't have an ass!

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DK:So,does your wife have any super powers?

Cranky:Yeah.

DK:What are they?

Cranky:Well,once a month she becomes evil,and I can't defeat her!

_(Crowd dies laughing.)_

Cranky:Our children run in terror and our big dog hides under the couch!

DK:You have a big dog?

Cranky:Actually,I borrowed your chihuahua.

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(A/N:I can't remember how the following sketch you're a Jeff Dunham fan,please help me!)

Cranky:What about Batman?

DK:Oh...!

Cranky:What?

DK:A grown man in a rubber suit running around with a young boy!I don't need x-ray vision to see what the hell's going on there!

Cranky:Yeah,I have always been wondering about some of these superheros and their young men sidekicks.

DK:(slowly turns to face him)You have five men in a suitcase...And one of them's on a stick!Who's sliding down a perverbile batpole now?If you had a theme song it would be (insert a random 'la lala laaaa' here).

Cranky:You know,I have a wife and kids.

DK:(gasps)So does Tom Cruise!

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Swanky:Do you have a weakness?

Chunky:Cupcakes...and porn.

_(Crowd dies of laughter.)_

Chunky:Well,not at the same time!I need a free hand.

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Dixie:Can you drive us to Idaho?

DK:Hm...OK!(to an ostrich(that's in the background))Melman!I'm goin' to Idaho!Stay off the internet!

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Screech:(creepy voice)...I will eat your heart.

_(The music you hear in an old horror movie plays in the background for a few seconds as Screech grins switches over to where it's facing Wrinkly,Swanky,and DK.)_

Wrinkly:Uh,yeah...Little creepy.

_(Swanky runs away screaming like a little girl.)_

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Cranky:Well,I'm sorry,Jose.I'm very happy to have you in the act.

Wrinkly:Just make sure he's legal!

Cranky:HE'S LEGAL!!!

Wrinkly:OK!

Cranky:Why are you so concerned?!

Wrinkly:Why are you _not_ concerned?!

Cranky:Why _should_ I be concerned?!

Wrinkly:HE WORKS FOR _YOU_!!!Some of those laws pass and he's not legal,you're gonna get _your_ ass thrown in trust me,you would _not_ do good in prison!

Cranky:Why not?

Wrinkly:(heh)"C'mere,puppet boy!Make your daddy _talk_."

Cranky:Oh,_that's_ nice!So you're pretty sure I'd soon become someone's--

Wrinkly:--bitch.

Cranky:Right.

Squwaks:(Spanish accent)On a stick!


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